A Letter Can Be a Powerful Part of the Adoption Journey

As a birthmother, you may feel a swirl of emotions when thinking about writing a letter to your baby’s adoptive parents. This step can feel deeply personal and vulnerable. You might wonder if it’s appropriate. You might fear saying the wrong thing. Or maybe you’re simply not sure what you want to say—or whether your words will even be welcomed.



The truth is, many birthmothers find comfort and healing through writing. A letter can serve as a way to share your heart, your hopes, and your gratitude. It can also help create clarity, trust, and understanding between you and the adoptive family.

Yes, You Can Write a Letter

There’s no rule that says you must write a letter to the adoptive parents—but you are absolutely allowed to if it feels right. Whether you're still considering adoption or you've already made a plan, expressing your thoughts through a letter is your choice.

This letter doesn’t need to follow any formal script. It can be as short or as long as you want. It can be handwritten or typed, shared before placement or after. What matters most is that it’s honest and heartfelt.

You might write to:

• Share your hopes for your child’s future
• Thank the adoptive parents for opening their hearts
• Talk about your reasons for choosing adoption
• Explain parts of your story you want them to know
• Reassure them about the love behind your decision
  

When Is the Right Time to Write?

There’s no single “right time.” Some birthmothers feel ready to write early in the process, even before matching with a family. Others wait until after placement or after meeting the adoptive parents in person.

If you’re working with CFK, your counselor or adoption specialist can help you decide when and how to send your letter. You might want to:



• Include it in your adoption paperwork
• Share it during the matching process
• Give it to the adoptive parents at the hospital
• Send it privately later through your counselor

No matter the timing, what matters is that the letter reflects your voice and your heart.

What If I Don’t Know What to Say?

It’s okay to feel stuck. You don’t have to be a professional writer. You don’t have to find perfect words.

Start by asking yourself:

• What do I hope this family understands about me?
• What do I want them to know about my child?
• Is there anything I want to explain or clear up?
• What reassurances might ease their fears or mine?

You can write about your favorite memories from pregnancy. Or the hopes you have for your child’s future. You might share what led you to consider adoption. Or describe the kind of parents you imagined your child having.

Even if the letter never gets sent, writing it can still help you process your thoughts and emotions.

How Honest Should I Be?

This is your story and your truth is valuable. Still, it’s okay to think carefully about how much detail you share.

You can be honest without feeling pressure to disclose everything. Focus on what feels meaningful and important. You don’t have to justify your decision or explain every part of your life. A simple “I love my child and want what’s best for them” may say more than a long explanation ever could.

Your counselor at CFK can help review or edit your letter if you’d like extra support.

What Impact Can the Letter Have?

For many adoptive parents, receiving a letter from the birthmother is deeply meaningful. It adds dimension to their understanding of your love and sacrifice. It can ease their anxieties and strengthen their emotional connection to you and your child.

A letter can also open the door to a more trusting relationship in open or semi-open adoptions. It reminds everyone involved that adoption is not a transaction it’s a human connection.

Even in closed adoptions, a letter placed in your child’s file may one day help them understand where they came from.

What If I’m Scared of Rejection?

It’s normal to feel vulnerable when reaching out. You might fear that your words will be dismissed or misunderstood. You may even worry that the adoptive parents won’t respond.

That fear doesn’t make your feelings less valid. And it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t write.



Support from CFK can help you navigate those fears. If your adoption agreement includes ongoing contact, your counselor can help coordinate communication. If it’s a closed or confidential placement, you might write a letter to be stored in your child’s file in case they seek it later.

Do I Have to Write the Letter Myself?

Not necessarily. If writing feels overwhelming, you can:

• Dictate your message to a counselor who can help write it out
• Use voice memos or recordings (some agencies may help transcribe these)
• Work with a counselor to create a “letter format” that feels less intimidating

You still get to choose what’s shared and how. No one speaks for you—but you’re allowed help finding your words.

How Do I Know If They’ll Welcome the Letter?

If you’re in an open or semi-open adoption, communication preferences may already be part of your adoption plan. In those cases, most adoptive families welcome letters, photos, or messages.

If contact is limited, your counselor can help determine the best way to share. Some birthmothers choose to write a letter that is kept in a sealed file, in case the adoptive family or child ever requests it.



Remember, even if you never hear back, your words still matter. They still carry love.

Letters Are a Bridge, Not a Requirement

There is no requirement to write a letter. And there is no “right way” to do it. Letters are a bridge between your story and theirs. Between your heart and your child’s future. Between the love you hold and the life you’ve chosen.

Whether you write now, later, or never it’s your call. But know that if you want to write, you can. And CFK will walk beside you through it.

Support Is Here If You Want It

The decision to write a letter can feel emotional, overwhelming, and even healing. You don’t have to do it alone. Whether you’re searching for the right words or simply sitting with the emotions, CFK is here.



Your voice matters. Your story matters. And your love is real.

Reach out to CFK to talk with someone who understands. We’ll help you find support that fits your comfort, your timing, and your heart.

Frequently Asked Questions