Writing a letter to your baby as a birthmother is a deeply personal and meaningful way to express your love, hopes, and emotions surrounding adoption. Whether you’re currently making an adoption plan or reflecting on a decision you’ve already made, a letter can serve as a lasting connection between you and your child.

Some birthmothers choose to write their letters before placement. Others write after birth or even years later. There’s no right or wrong time it’s about what feels right for you.

Why Write a Letter to Your Baby?

There are many reasons a birthmother might write a letter. It can be part of your healing process, a tool for communication in an open adoption, or simply a way to express what’s in your heart.

• Expressing Love – A letter reminds your baby that your decision was made out of love, not abandonment.
• Explaining Your Choice – It allows you to share your “why” in your own words, with honesty and compassion.
• Creating a Connection – Whether or not your child reads the letter now or later, it forms a thread of emotional connection.
• Healing Through Expression – Many birthmothers find writing therapeutic and empowering.
  

What Should I Include in My Letter?

There are no rules, but here are some prompts to help guide you:

Start with a Loving Introduction

Use your baby’s name if you’ve chosen one, or simply open with “Dear Baby” or “To My Child.”

Share About Yourself

Tell your child about your life, your interests, your personality, and what you were going through at the time of your decision.

“I want you to know who I am not just the decision I made, but the person behind it.”

Explain Your Adoption Plan (Gently)

If it feels right, include a few details about your decision. Be honest but soft, using phrases that reflect care and thoughtfulness.

“I chose adoption because I believed it would give you the future I dreamed of for you.”

Avoid placing blame or guilt. Speak from your heart, not from pressure or pain.

Express Your Hopes and Dreams

Talk about what you wish for your child education, joy, love, health, and opportunity.

“I hope you grow up surrounded by laughter, encouragement, and people who lift you up.”

Offer Reassurance

Let them know your choice was not about leaving them behind it was about giving them more.

“I love you more than words can say. That love is what guided my choice.”

Add a Personal Touch

You can share a memory from pregnancy, a poem, a nickname, or a song lyric that holds meaning for you.

Do I Have to Share the Letter?

You don’t have to share it now or ever. Some birthmothers write letters only for themselves. Others include them in an open adoption agreement. If you want your letter shared someday, we can help you include it in the child’s file or pass it on to the adoptive family when the time is right.

There is no pressure to share before you feel ready.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Writing a letter to your baby can bring up deep and sometimes unexpected emotions. If you need help putting your feelings into words or just want someone to talk to reach out to us at CFK. We’re here to listen, support, and walk with you always without judgment.

What If I'm Not Good With Words?

You don’t need to be a professional writer. Your voice matters. Your letter doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be yours. Short notes, simple language, or even lists are completely okay.

“I may not have all the words, but I have all the love.”

If you're struggling to start, try talking out loud and recording yourself. Then turn those thoughts into a letter.

What Happens If I Change My Mind Later?

Writing a letter doesn’t lock you into a decision. It’s a form of expression, not a contract. You are legally allowed to change your mind about adoption before signing any consents in Ohio. If your feelings shift, we can walk with you through your options judgment free.

Sample Letter to a Baby from a Birthmother

Dear Baby,

I don’t know where your life will take you, but I know it will be filled with love. I made the hardest choice I’ve ever made because I wanted you to have everything I couldn’t give you right now.

Please know that none of this was because I didn’t love you it’s the opposite. I loved you enough to let go and trust that the right family would love you just as fiercely.

I hope you always know how special you are. I hope you grow up laughing, exploring, and feeling safe every day.

Love always,

Your Birthmother

FAQs: Changing Your Mind About Adoption Before Birth

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Writing a letter can stir up a mix of feelings. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, unsure where to start, or just want someone who truly understands reach out to us at CFK. You deserve space to process your thoughts and choose what’s best for you whether that includes a letter, an adoption plan, or simply someone to talk to.