Forming a strong connection with a foster child takes time, especially if they’ve experienced trauma or multiple placements. Many foster parents ask, “How can I help them trust me?” or “What if they don’t respond?”

This article offers gentle, practical tips for building a strong bond with your foster child, with guidance rooted in trauma-informed care and emotional safety.

Understanding the Concern

Foster children may enter care with emotional barriers that protect them from past harm. They may resist comfort, test boundaries, or seem disengaged. These responses are not personal - they are protective.



As a foster parent, it’s natural to feel unsure or discouraged, but every small act of consistency helps plant seeds of trust.

• Safety and consistency are the foundation of bonding
• Small, repeated actions build connection over time
• Behavior is often communication, not defiance
  

Expert Insights & Facts

Common myths:

Myth:  “Older children can’t bond.”

Truth:  They can. It just may take more time and patience.

Myth: “If they’re not affectionate, they don’t care.”

Truth: Many children need time to express emotional safety.

Practical Guidance & Coping Strategies

Bonding may not happen overnight, but it will come. Children learn to trust through your actions, your calm presence, and your willingness to show up day after day.

1. Start small and stay consistent

• Stick to daily routines
• Use the same phrases for comfort or transition
  

2. Offer choices

• Simple options like meals or clothing promote trust
  

3. Engage through play

• Follow the child’s lead in fun, no-pressure activities
  

4. Respect boundaries

• Ask before initiating touch
• Sit near, not on top of, the child’s personal space
  

5. Normalize emotions

• Say “It’s okay to feel upset. I’m still here with you”
  

6. Seek support

• CFK offers tools for foster families navigating bonding and adjustment
  

Reach out to us for help and encouragement

Hope & Healing 

Let CFK Support Your Bonding Journey

You don’t have to build that bond alone. CFK is here with guidance, counseling, and a community that understands the foster care experience.

Contact our team today for support and resources.

FAQs