Choosing the right adoptive family for your baby may feel like one of the biggest decisions of your life—and that’s because it is. As a birthmother, you want to know your child will be safe, loved, and supported. But with so many hopeful families out there, how do you even begin to decide?

This guide is here to help. We’ll walk through how the matching process works, how to read and understand family profile books, what criteria you can use to make your choice, and how to trust your instincts. You are not alone in this decision.

Understanding the Matching Process

When you work with a licensed adoption agency or attorney, you don’t have to figure everything out by yourself. A professional counselor or caseworker will help guide you through the adoptive parent matching process. It typically includes:

• Talking with you about your preferences
• Learning what matters most to you (values, religion, location, parenting styles)
• Showing you a selection of family profile books
• Offering guidance without pressure

You have complete control over whether to choose a family, meet them in person, or move forward with a different match. If something doesn’t feel right, you have every right to pause or change direction.

What Are Family Profile Books?

Family profile books (sometimes called adoption profiles or family portfolios) are a key part of the matching process. These carefully created books include photos, stories, and details from prospective adoptive families, designed to help you get a feel for who they are.

A typical profile book might include:

• Photos of the family at home and during holidays
• A letter to the birthmother explaining why they want to adopt
• Descriptions of their home, neighborhood, and lifestyle
• Details about their relationship, jobs, extended family, and hobbies
• Their values, parenting philosophies, and hopes for the future

These books are created with love and honesty. And while they can’t tell you everything, they offer a powerful window into each family’s world.

What Should I Look For in an Adoptive Family?

Start by asking yourself what matters most. Your preferences are valid there is no "right" or "wrong" list. Here are some things to consider:

• Location: Do you want your child raised in a certain state or city? Urban or rural?
• Lifestyle: Would you prefer a family with pets? A couple who travels? A stay-at-home parent?
• Religion and values: Are spiritual beliefs important to you?
• Cultural background: Would you like your child raised in a home that reflects your cultural heritage?
• Other children: Do you want your child to grow up with siblings?
• Personality connection: Do you feel emotionally drawn to their story?

This process is deeply personal. You might connect with a family who surprises you or aligns with something you hadn’t thought of. That’s okay, too. There is no perfect family only the one that feels right to you.

How Do I Know If It’s the Right Match?

When you find a family you’re interested in, your adoption counselor can arrange a meeting or call. This is a chance to:

• Ask questions about their lifestyle and parenting style
• Learn how they plan to talk about adoption with your child
• Understand how they hope to stay connected (if you’re pursuing open adoption)
• See how you feel when you talk to them

Many birthmothers say they "just knew" when they met the right family. There might be a sense of peace, shared values, or emotional connection. If you're unsure, that's okay. Take your time. Trust your instincts. You deserve to feel confident and at peace.

Can I Change My Mind About the Family?

Yes. Until you sign legal consent papers after the baby is born (timing varies by state), you are never locked in. If something doesn't feel right during the pregnancy or after meeting the family, you have the right to:

• Pause the process
• Review other family profiles
• Choose a different family
• Take more time before deciding

You are always in control.

Your Voice Matters in Every Step

The idea of choosing your child’s future family may feel overwhelming, but remember: you are not just giving your baby to a stranger. You are placing your child into the arms of a family you believe in. That is a powerful, loving decision.

You have the right to:

• Ask hard questions
• Set expectations for contact after adoption
• Include your personal preferences in the process
• Receive counseling and support throughout

Adoption is not about handing over control - it’s about shaping a future that aligns with your hopes.

Conclusion

Choosing an adoptive family is not about finding perfection, it’s about finding trust, comfort, and alignment with your values. You don’t have to rush. You don’t have to do it alone. And you are never just a bystander in this decision.

At CFK, we’re here to support you in every step of the adoptive parent matching process from viewing profile books to asking tough questions to changing your mind. Your peace of mind matters.

If you’re ready to explore your options or just want to talk, reach out to us for confidential, judgment-free guidance.

Frequently Asked Questions